Saturday, 12 March 2011

Waking Early

So, here we are again. Four in the morning, unable to sleep. What's going on in my head keeping me awake. So tired that my brain barely functions. Urghh....

This has been going on for a while now. I will eventually wake up and drag myself around for a bit and then off to the office. I'll be reasonably alert for a few hours and then the tiredness will creep in, just in time for the first teachers to arrive for their lessons. I try my best but my energy is lacking and they get short-changed.

It's just the worry of what will happen back in he UK. I can't seem to help it - no matter what I tell myself or what reassuring words I hear, I worry. And at night the stuff going round and round wakes me early. Where will I live? Will I find a job? Will I find something that's more than dead-end? How will I be able to afford to live or eat or get around? How will I be able to see family or friends when everything is so damned expensive? Should I be doing something about it now? Maybe I should address it but I just try to suppress it, and it's always there, prowling in the background.

Time is just rushing by. I'm on an express train - everything is a blur and I can't stop or put on the brakes. In less than one month I'll be 'home'.


  1. Hello Clive,
    I missed your last post "Direction Needed" so after reading this, I read that post too. What an adventure you are having! A person with the courage to leave a secure job and apply his skills to helping others is going to succeed wherever he lands. The experiences you have had the last couple years have given you a whole new set of skills that would impress most any employer. I think the first thing you should do is to take all the blogging you have done and put it into a book format. That could be a supplemental income. You could also do presentations about your experiences at education conferences. I know I would attend to hear about your travels. Speaking would help you fine tune your teaching skills.
    The last 3 years of my life have had several unexpected twists and turns that looked like disaster at the outset but things are working out fine. One of my coworkers said to me "It's not the road you would have chosen, but you are where you want to be." Lucky, you because you chose your road. Try and relax you are going to do well at whatever you try!

    Take care and try to get some sleep.

  2. Sometimes answers come in unlikely places.... like a eco-friendly mint tin. :) I'm taking comfort in the quote I found there by Lao Tzu- "If you do not change direction, you will end up where you are heading." May your new direction get you to the right destination... even if you aren't sure what that looks like yet.

  3. Evelyn, many thanks for reading and commenting - and thanks for the suggestions and words of encouragement! I'm not so sure about giving conference talks but I might do a presentation or two at schools - who knows, it may inspire a child to do something similar in their future!
    Glad things are working out for you in spite of the unexpected twists and turns :)

  4. Hi Julie, you may well be right! I hope so - I could do with a bit of direction! Thank you for your good wishes. I'll do my best not to worry and I'll keep an eye out for the unexpected inspirations :)